Even the most unique and rewarding roles, like that of a neonatal nurse practitioner, come with potential workplace challenges. From physicians to families, there is always an opportunity for interpersonal conflict.
Still, almost no workplace challenge compares to a coworker with destructive habits, and the field of nursing is no exception.
After all, these are the people you spend your days with and conflict in this area can impact your mood, performance, job satisfaction, and even patient outcomes. On the other hand, learning how to work with challenging personalities can lead to overwhelming personal growth, increased emotional intelligence, and even prepare you for a management role.
In just about every NICU, you’ll find at least one co-worker who demonstrates destructive habits — from minor bad manners to egregious behavior. And yes, these people will grate on your nerves. But if you fall prey to the aggravation, you’ll never truly feel good about the amazing work you do as an NNP.
The question is – are you guilty of driving your coworkers crazy with any of these destructive habits? Whether it’s you or someone else in your unit, read on to find out what these habits are, and how to handle each one.
1. Constant complaining
It may sound trivial, but if you’ve worked with a Debbie Downer you understand the pervasive impact that attitude can have on your day-to-day. Your job is already demanding enough on your time and energy. The last thing you need is any more negativity in your space! Here are some strategies for dealing with the Debbie Downer in your unit:
- Don’t give advice – NNPs who chronically complain, don’t offer support, or act defensively often aren’t open to feedback. Resist the urge to help them deal with their problems.
- Seek out positive people – Difficult personalities can leave a bad taste in your mouth. Cleanse your palette by interfacing with the positive people around you. They will bring happiness and encouragement into your life, which will improve your outlook and elevate your mood.
- Make time in your day for laughter – Laughter is the best medicine! A quick chuckle brightens your mood, motivates trust, inspires hope, and unites you with other, like-minded people. The more elevated you are, the less accessible you will appear to anyone who wants to waste your time with negativity.
- Validate and redirect – This may be the fastest and easiest way to deal with an annoying co-worker. Underneath the destructive habits is the desire to be approved and heard. Take the higher ground and provide positive feedback. After you provide validation and positive feedback, it’s time to move on. Redirect the tension to the work at hand. For instance, you can say, “Oh wow! I totally agree, but let me help you here with this report so you can finish up and get home on time.”
2. Bringing the personal life to work
With the unpredictability of life, it’s sometimes impossible to prevent our personal experiences from impacting our work experience. But the coworker who makes a habit of it is a different story. Children, relationships, financial stress can begin to interfere. This can be seen as not putting patient care and families as the top priority. Some people may be tempted to do excessive personal things at work or be demanding to assistive personnel.
If you find yourself in this position with a coworker, here are some ways to help them:
- Show a caring, and loving response – trying to ignore the proverbial elephant in the room, just makes it get bigger. They get whinier and more withdrawn.
- Allow the employee some time to vent – as they can get some of the irritation, it can help them feel better It is also good to check in with them occasionally to see how they’re doing.
- Gently suggest professional help – If you have a closer relationship, this is a good time to remind your coworker them about speaking with a licensed therapist or psychologist to see learn positive coping skills.
- Speak privately with management – If their workload suffers, talk privately with management and let them know what is going on with the staff member.
It can be a difficult line to walk, but ultimately, the patients should not be suffering.
3. Not playing for the team
Fortunately, there truly are many units with close-knit teams who support each other unconditionally. But, not every NICU has achieved this dynamic. If you work in one of them, you know what it’s like to deal with coworkers who prioritize their own scheduling above all else and are inflexible when it comes to reciprocity (the struggle is real!). To tackle this challenge we turned to Dan Auerbach, director of Associated Counsellors and Psychologists Sydney as he shares strategies via In the Black that are sure to boost your own emotional intelligence and give you leverage in your communication with inflexible coworkers. Here are some of his suggestions for managing relationships with the inflexible coworker:
- Expect resistance – Your inflexible colleague is likely to resist any change that you propose. Expect resistance from them, and be prepared to listen to and acknowledge their point of view.
- Listen and empathize – What seems natural and easy to you (change) can actually be stressful and even threatening to an inflexible personality. Sometimes simply listening and validating their thoughts and concerns is enough to lessen their resistance to the change you are proposing.
- Slow-drip your ideas – Auerbach makes an excellent suggestion here. That is — to slowly introduce your new ideas or requests. We all have areas where it’s difficult to be flexible. If possible, create a space where that coworker can be eased into a new direction.
Read the whole interview with Dan Auerbach here.
4. Hazing
You’ve either heard it, experienced it, or both: nurses eat their young. Unfortunately, NNPs are often accused of not providing support or mentorship to the newer NNP hires.
One of our NNP candidates had some insightful insight into this topic… “Believe it or not, this kind of behavior harkens way back to the academic environment. Student nurses are on the lowest rung of the hierarchal academic food chain, and are therefore subject to all sorts of snide and rude remarks intended to lower their confidence and make them feel inferior.
Nursing has long held the reputation that experienced, seasoned nurses “eat their young”, meaning they often create a hostile learning environment for nurses new to a specialty or ones who have recently graduated. I have witnessed young, eager to learn new grads…those who had hoped all of their lives that one day they would become NICU nurses. And once they made it, they were driven out of the profession by bitter, angry, impatient ‘mentors’ who seem to relish in the squashing of a young professional’s dream.
As nursing pushes for higher education, one might expect that fresh attitudes on mentoring and helping the workforce achieve these new goals would change and grow for the better. This doesn’t seem to be the case. The vultures are still circling, even at the Master’s/Doctorate level. Don’t get me wrong, 90% of my peers are helpful, kind and eager to facilitate my success, but that 10% still exists. Maybe it’s my own pathology which allows that minority to dictate the majority of my experience. But, after more than 20 years in the profession, it’s still disheartening to see and an unnecessary aspect of this profession”.
How to cope:
- Sign the Petition – Make your voice be heard. One of the people fighting for this is Nurse Blake. He is a well-known activist for reminding nurses that we, together, should be helping our young, not eating them. He also speaks and organizes events to bring nurses together instead of driving them apart.
- Know that it’s not ok – Just because hazing is a long-standing tradition in nursing doesn’t mean it’s here to stay. The truth is that hazing is a destructive practice that many in the field would like to see left behind.
- Confront it – Confronting inappropriate treatment is an example of a personal boundary. When someone — whether a superior or a coworker — violates a personal boundary, you not only have the right to speak up, you have the responsibility to.
- Pull that coworker aside, either alone or with an appropriate witness, and let them know in a respectful way that the way they are treating you is not ok.
- Suggest alternative means of communicating constructive criticism, or ask for leadership or HR to facilitate that part of the conversation.
- It’s not personal – The destructive tradition of hazing is pervasive. If you’re being singled out, it’s not about you, it’s just that you’re new. While this doesn’t justify it, being aware of it should help you stay less emotional and confront the treatment effectively.
- Know when to blow the whistle – Some behaviors— violence (physical, verbal, or emotional) and substance abuse, for example—are more than just annoying. They are downright threatening to the safety of your patients and staff. In these cases, you have an ethical duty to file a formal complaint.
- Exercise – Exercise is a great way to relieve built-up stress and emotions. Even if it’s just a quick walk up and down the stairs, take the time to move those muscles and boost those endorphins.
5. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation that causes a person to doubt the sense of reality.
An example of gaslighting at work: Tracy is an experienced NNP who just accepted a position at a new unit. Eager to mesh with the new team, Tracy accepts overtime, mixed shifts…saying yes to anything thrown her way by the new nurse manager. After a few months, she’s through the learning curve and settled into her new position, but she’s still taking on responsibilities that were never a part of her original job description. She’s burnt out. When she addresses her concerns with her nurse manager, her nurse manager denies that she’s been given extra workload and insists that the expectations are the same for everyone in the unit. Later, in front of other NICU staff, the nurse manager makes snide comments about Tracy not being a team player and struggling to keep up. Tracy is mortified, and keeps her head down from now on, continuing to accept pressure from her nurse manager and doubting her contributions to the team.
Coping with gaslighting:
- Take it seriously – Gaslighting isn’t a term that should be casually thrown around. That’s because gaslighting — just like any other form of psychological manipulation — is abuse. If you are a victim of gaslighting, you will likely need to seek intervention.
- Identify the primary the source – In the example above, the nurse manager was the source of Tracy’s gaslighting. However, the inaccurate information circulating about Tracy may be picked up by coworkers, who mirror it back to her. This is called secondary gaslighting, and often the perpetrators of secondary gaslighting are also victims. They don’t know that the information they’ve been given is distorted.
- Seek professional support – Gaslighting is abuse that can lead to anxiety, confusion, hypersensitivity, lowered self-esteem, and even mental breakdowns. If you feel that you’ve been a victim of gaslighting, we would encourage you to seek professional support from a mental health professional. It will be crucial to have a qualified third party who can back you and support your healthy sense of reality.
- Address it – Because of the subtle but very serious nature of this form of abuse, addressing gaslighting in the workplace can be tricky. Seek the support of a qualified professional who can help you effectively confront this issue
Disruptive behaviors among NNPs threaten the safety and well being of both patients and staff. While tolerated over the years, things are now changing. Luckily, the American Medical Association is taking a more hands-on role, developing processes and rules that will mitigate and address these unhealthy behaviors.
In the meantime, you can address these behaviors, become vocal, and develop ways to work around them.
Do you have constructive suggestions for coping with difficult coworkers?
Share in the comments below!
